The first time I performed this piece, I came off stage disappointed with myself.
This piece, “Epilogue,” was meant to be about moving on from the past.
About – one of my favourite phrases, but one that is hard to put into practice – “gently letting go of things not meant for you.” I wasn’t disappointed by my technique, or even by my expression of feeling and emotion on stage. I was disappointed that I finished the piece with a feeling of great sadness and longing, instead of the calm, accepting sort of resolve I had intended and hoped for with the finale.
But then, catharsis and processing was the reason for the creation of this piece in the first place. Not to force emotion or show emotion that isn’t there. But to get to a place where I’m ready to leave some of this behind, on and off the stage.
I know I’m getting there now, after my most recent performance of this piece.
After spending time with this music and contemplating the subject matter and the meaning, I’m feeling it.
Tomorrow night I will be performing “Epilogue” in Paris for one of the last times before I put it in the archives (Ticket information here. Netherlands, you’ll get two more chances to see it live in Rotterdam in June – thanks for the invitation to perform, Shimmy Shake ❤️). And I am grateful for dance, for music, for self-awareness, for support and understanding, and for time, all of which have allowed me to get to a place where I can put this piece in the archives and move on, without forgetting or blocking out all that is in my past.